Reliquishment in Pictures.

Another Version of Mother

Jenna posed the question;

“Was Your Relinquishment Day happy?”

(If you want the full story behind this question, see her post).  If the question applies to you, go answer the poll she has.

Ever since she asked, I have been trying to convince myself that I could write about the day I handed The Kiddo over to his Adoptive Parents. As I sit here and type this, I am still trying to convince myself that I can write it out.  Unfortunately, I can’t go there yet.  That day, was the toughest, the hardest, the lowest, most soul sucking, saddest day of my life. In order to write about it, I’d have to explore those unmentionable feelings, the ones that have yet to find a name for in our language. I cannot relive those moments at this point and time.

I can, however, show you my answer.

On June 1st, 2003…

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When Adoptions Fail

Revelations

I read a shocking report by Reuters about  adoptive parents who use the Internet to find new homes for children they no longer want.

The article is the first in a five-part series by Reuters that examines America’s underground market for adopted children. According to the report, parents are so eager to unload their kids that they hand them off to people they barely know. No screenings required. How horrible and dangerous for the children.

Children adopted from overseas are especially vulnerable to these unauthorized exchanges. As the article points out, Americans often don’t know what they’re getting into when they adopt children from other countries. They don’t know the child’s complete history. When problems arise at home, parents don’t have a support system in place. Bailing out seems like the best option for some desperate parents.

Adopting a child is not like purchasing a big-screen TV. You can’t take…

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Age range? Siblings?

{quote}
It now feels important that the child/children I adopt fit in (as far as they can) with my wider family, nephews included, and friends
{/quote}

Another Mountain

One of the things I have been doing while I have been waiting (apart from waiting for the postman, rushing to the phone everytime it rings and checking my email several times per day) is reflecting and thinking.

As I stated in my first post, I made an initial enquiry almost 4 years ago. Then my life was very different. My bro and SIL had just had their first child who was a baby. I was considering adopting (if as a single person it was allowed) two school age children as that age group was where I had the most experience. Toddlers and small children, quite frankly, were a bit boring. My small nephew though gorgeous, was just a baby, he didn’t do much and I had no real relationship with him. I also wasn’t particularly close to my brother or sister in law.

Now things are very different. I…

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Why Adopt?


Lost Daughters: Lost Daughters Discuss Veronica Brown Tonight

Lost Daughters: Lost Daughters Discuss Veronica Brown Tonight.

{quote}
Lost Daughters contributors Trace DeMeyer, Samantha Franklin, Lynn Grubb, Deanna Shrodes, Julie Stromberg, and Karen Pickell will participate on a panel discussing the Veronica Brown situation on the radio show Voices of Our People, hosted by Emelie Jeffries. The show will air tonight, August 18, at 10:00 p.m. EST on Tampa community radio station WMNF 88.5 FM. Those outside the Tampa listening area can click on the “Listen Now” button at the top of the http://www.wmnf.org home page to hear the show.

Joining our Lost Daughters will be author and Native American adoptee Susan Fedorko, and Professor Laura Briggs, chair of Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at the University of Massachusetts.
{quote}


Won’t somebody think of the POOR ENTITLED INFERTILES! *wail*

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

He’s at it again.

Yes, Greg, the Poor Entitled Infertile (from here onwards to always be known as PIE for ease) is wailing again that people are caring more about the kids who’re getting adopted than they are about the PIEs who want to adopt them.

Who, I hear you ask, would be so cruel as to ignore the wails of the PIEs? Other than me ‘n’ ReenieWeenie, of course. Well today’s culprit is none other than Courtney Bonfante, who I also only bumped into recently and so don’t really know enough to say a damn thing about, but given how staunchly she’s defending Dusten getting to keep his daughter, Veronica, she can’t be all that bad. :}

The first post in the thread I tripped over while scrolling down my reading page was Courtney asking:

{quote}
Reply to @gsmwc02 Is that directed at me? Because I’d never tell someone dealing w/infertility 2 just adopt a child in need.
{/quote}

Of course, with such an interesting question being asked, I couldn’t NOT go and ave a nose at what was going on, and so I clicked through to the thread and scrolled up to have a nose down.

The thread starts with someones I don’t know discussing what I worked out was Dusten Brown’s battle to save his daughter, Veronica, from a fate worse than death. There’s some relatively sane stuff said towards the top of the thread, even from our current favourite PIE of the week, and then the idea of adopters needing to have a certain standard of mental health gets broached.

Courtney:
@gsmwc02 @anditweetsalot @shanellelittle @mrsrenkert actually; there are mental health criteria one must pass to b an adoptive parent

Obviously, our PIE of the week wants to know what these criteria should be, and pushes Courtney for a detailed, knowledgeable synopsis (that’ll fit into 140 characters or less, remember), to which Courtney quite sensibly points out that she’s not a psychiatrist, but that the end goal of the evaluation is to ensure that those being evaluated actually are mentally competent to parent.

Of course, such a wussy, unknowledgeable, cop-out answer is nothing even approaching good enough for our deeply academic and intellectually brilliant PIE, and so he pushes further and further, until as is usual when talking to a PIE, the thread descends into chaos and wails of woe that no-ones caring enough about the POOR ENTITLED INFERTILES! *wail* *snivel* *woe* *whine*

Greg
@WeMonetize And what in your mind would deem them “mentally competent” to parent? And how does an evaluation ensure that?

Courtney
@gsmwc02 Do you just think agencies should place kids to whoever knocks on their door and asks for one?

Greg
@WeMonetize No, don’t think I ever said that. But you also don’t want to discourage good candidates.

Courtney
@gsmwc02 If they’re good candidates they won’t have an issue being evaluated

Greg
@WeMonetize Again you have children and are clueless on the mentality of an infertile considering adoption.

Courtney
@gsmwc02 to be perfectly frank; I’m less concerned with adults fellings than I am with children’s welfare.

Greg
@WeMonetize Less? I don’t think you do at all. You live in that bubble where no one else’s POV matters.

Courtney
@gsmwc02 read it again. I am LESS concerned about adults feelings than a child’s welfare.

Greg
@WeMonetize Don’t have to read it again. You’ve made it clear you don’t care about pain or grief of infertility. We just need to suck it up.

Courtney
@gsmwc02 what do you think the adoption industry needs to do to accommodate infertility grief?

Greg
@WeMonetize Recognize and support that grief. Don’t outcast the childless and look down on them as you. It’s an extreme hurt.

Courtney
@gsmwc02 I’m not understanding how the infertile are outcast in the adoption industry; I actually would say quite the opposite

Greg
@WeMonetize It’s a society issue. Adoption community can help demand of adoption by not contributing to outcasting infertiles as u are.

Courtney
@gsmwc02 I am not outcasting infertile people; I don’t know where you get that from. I just don’t put their needs ahead of kids needs

Courtney
@WeMonetize @gsmwc02 in what tangible way do you want support? This is what I’m not understanding.

Greg
@WeMonetize Recognition of loss and not try to tell them they should just adopt a child in need.

Courtney
Reply to @gsmwc02 Is that directed at me? Because I’d never tell someone dealing w/infertility 2 just adopt a child in need.

I’m sure there’s now far more to the thread than I’ve got here since it’s taken me quite a while to construct this post. If it looks like it gets interestinger or funner then I might drop in here to drop more of it in here, but really, I just dropped this in here to show the world – yet again – just how damn fuckin’ unhinged Greg Sdeo ‏@gsmwc02 actually is, and ask you to join me in prayers to whichever deity you think may listen that this particular psycho nutter NEVER gets to take on someone else’s kid. Well, at least not until he’s had a LOT of counselling to get past his current insanity, at any rate.


Dear Adoptive Parent Community…

The adopted ones blog

By TAO

With several recent public cases in the news, and others within the last couple of years involving adopting or adoptive parents, what better time than now to start conversations and make a difference for the future.

Are you, as adoptive parents tired of people thinking (or saying) that adoptive parents are baby stealers or abusers?  Then stand up and get angry when you see adopting or adoptive parents or agencies behaving badly…

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