Tag Archives: adoptee voices

Lost Daughters: Lost Daughters Discuss Veronica Brown Tonight

Lost Daughters: Lost Daughters Discuss Veronica Brown Tonight.

Lost Daughters contributors Trace DeMeyer, Samantha Franklin, Lynn Grubb, Deanna Shrodes, Julie Stromberg, and Karen Pickell will participate on a panel discussing the Veronica Brown situation on the radio show Voices of Our People, hosted by Emelie Jeffries. The show will air tonight, August 18, at 10:00 p.m. EST on Tampa community radio station WMNF 88.5 FM. Those outside the Tampa listening area can click on the “Listen Now” button at the top of the http://www.wmnf.org home page to hear the show.

Joining our Lost Daughters will be author and Native American adoptee Susan Fedorko, and Professor Laura Briggs, chair of Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies at the University of Massachusetts.

Effecting Langauge

In a post over on adoptedintheuk.co.uk I (again) raised the point of how important the language is that we use around adoption. In the post, it was to happily demonstrate how some organisations are listening to what’s being said by adult adoptees.

In this post, it’s trying to work out why we’re saying things seemingly so at odds with the other, while simultaneously all expressing similar reactions to the side-thread momwifelawyer @ threw in the meleé.

Much as the Establishment don’t like it, we’ve GOT TO do something major about changing the language around adoption is used if we’re ever going to stand a chance of taking some of the socialisation pressures off adoptees.

It’s why I’m so glad Nicky Campbell favourited my tweet pointing him at the thread linked on Adopted in the UK. It means we’re slowly starting to make a difference. And if we can get Nicky C. on side, I see no reason why we can’t start getting Sir Martin Narey to understand a bit more too.

[Reblog] Legacy of an Adopted Child

by Searching for Umma
on 13 Jan 2013

I wrote a little about this on my tumblr already, but I can’t get it out of my mind.

Your mother loved you so much, she gave you up. Two different kinds of love: the kind of love that sends you away, and the kind of love that saves you. This is exactly the kind of language that needs to be eradicated once and for all when dealing with adoptees. What does this say to us? Your mother loved you, yet she could rid her life of you permanently. What kind of love is that? And what does that teach us about love? That it’s conditional. That we’re disposable, even when we’re loved. That the kind of love she had for you is different than the kind of love your adoptive mother has for you, because she chose not to provide for you the way your adoptive mother does. What’s more, God was the one who separated you from your first mother, by answering the prayers of your adoptive mother.

Horrible. I hope this poem dies or has already died. The problem is, even if the poem didn’t exist, the mentality would still be there amongst a lot of APs. It’s such a harmful message, but one that I was told over and over growing up, and that I know a lot of other adoptees were, as well. If our first mothers loved us, how could they get rid of us? And if our adoptive parents love us, what’s to stop them from getting rid of us, too? Thus begins the adoptees’ struggles to either continuously please our APs in order to keep from being given up or sent away (in any sense of the word), or to push them away to see how much they’ll put up with before ridding their lives of us, much in the same way our first mothers did.

Read the rest over at Searching for Umma

[Reblog] Used for a cause

*nods all the way through again*

Deciding to adopt

Obviously, the thread descends somewhat from there. :}

THIS IS THE LINK to read from the Coram post, onwards.

EDIT: Additional discussion has taken place and the threads are now available @ this post.


I’ve only recently discovered Twitter, and only really took to it once I found out I could annoy Sir @martinnarey directly (what with him being The Big I Am in UK adoption at the moment). :}

One of the reasons I’m less keen on it is lack of threading. I can be difficult to keep track of conversations had/ongoing. Thus, I’m inventing a new category for in here, Twits; for those conversations which demonstrate an awful lot that many of us sometimes try to describe, and we all know happens between adoptees, but that rarely seems to see the light of day for letting other people learn the intricacies of our complex thoughts on and reactions to adoption.

The first one I’m sharing then, begins with Muzik of @iamadopted asking “Are u an adoptee that is proud/happy to be adopted? #adoption

The first reply is from @aschmidty33, who mentions her love for her a’rents, and then I chime in being similarly thankful for my a’rents. :}

Further down the thread there’s another (several other, but one I want to highlight) good question asked, this time from @drkimholt, who asked “what do you think made the difference?

I think one of the most important things we need to do as a society is work out why those of us put the answers we do.

Recommended Reading

Potentially, some most important posts on this site will be those posted using the “recommended reading” tag, since it’s that which will be used to aim people at stuff (since no-one cares what us adoptees actually say for ourselves).

Yup, already can’t think of much in the way of introductory stuff, so on with the reading lists.


Adoption and Loss: The Hidden Grief
Evelyn Burns Robinson
@ http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/Adoption&Loss.html (dead link, but review available @ http://www.ccnm-mothers.ca/English/articles/Robinson.htm )

Adoption Healing… the path to recovery for mothers who lost children to adoption
Joe Soll
@ https://www.adoptionhealing.com/Moms/

Adoption: Uncharted Waters
David Kirschner
@ http://www.adoptionunchartedwaters.com/

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self
David Brodzinsky
@ http://library.adoption.com/articles/being-adopted-the-lifelong-search-for-self.html

Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up
Nancy Verrier
@ http://nancyverrier.com/coming-home-to-self/

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness
Betty Jean Lifton
@ http://www.plumsite.com/bjlifton/

Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience
Betty Jean Lifton
@ http://www.plumsite.com/bjlifton/

The Adopted break Silence
Jean Paton
@ http://www.uoregon.edu/~adoption/archive/PatonTABS.htm

The Girls Who Went Away
Ann Fessler
@ http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child
Nancy Verrier
@ http://nancyverrier.com/the-primal-wound/

Without a map
Meredith Hall
@ http://meredithhall.org/


Adoptees in Reunion: The Psychological Integration of Adoption, Motivations for Reunion, and the Reunion Relationship
Susan Rogers
@ http://www.nla.gov.au/openpublish/index.php/aja/article/view/1447/1776