Category Archives: Twits

Won’t somebody think of the POOR ENTITLED INFERTILES! *wail*

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

He’s at it again.

Yes, Greg, the Poor Entitled Infertile (from here onwards to always be known as PIE for ease) is wailing again that people are caring more about the kids who’re getting adopted than they are about the PIEs who want to adopt them.

Who, I hear you ask, would be so cruel as to ignore the wails of the PIEs? Other than me ‘n’ ReenieWeenie, of course. Well today’s culprit is none other than Courtney Bonfante, who I also only bumped into recently and so don’t really know enough to say a damn thing about, but given how staunchly she’s defending Dusten getting to keep his daughter, Veronica, she can’t be all that bad. :}

The first post in the thread I tripped over while scrolling down my reading page was Courtney asking:

Reply to @gsmwc02 Is that directed at me? Because I’d never tell someone dealing w/infertility 2 just adopt a child in need.

Of course, with such an interesting question being asked, I couldn’t NOT go and ave a nose at what was going on, and so I clicked through to the thread and scrolled up to have a nose down.

The thread starts with someones I don’t know discussing what I worked out was Dusten Brown’s battle to save his daughter, Veronica, from a fate worse than death. There’s some relatively sane stuff said towards the top of the thread, even from our current favourite PIE of the week, and then the idea of adopters needing to have a certain standard of mental health gets broached.

@gsmwc02 @anditweetsalot @shanellelittle @mrsrenkert actually; there are mental health criteria one must pass to b an adoptive parent

Obviously, our PIE of the week wants to know what these criteria should be, and pushes Courtney for a detailed, knowledgeable synopsis (that’ll fit into 140 characters or less, remember), to which Courtney quite sensibly points out that she’s not a psychiatrist, but that the end goal of the evaluation is to ensure that those being evaluated actually are mentally competent to parent.

Of course, such a wussy, unknowledgeable, cop-out answer is nothing even approaching good enough for our deeply academic and intellectually brilliant PIE, and so he pushes further and further, until as is usual when talking to a PIE, the thread descends into chaos and wails of woe that no-ones caring enough about the POOR ENTITLED INFERTILES! *wail* *snivel* *woe* *whine*

@WeMonetize And what in your mind would deem them “mentally competent” to parent? And how does an evaluation ensure that?

@gsmwc02 Do you just think agencies should place kids to whoever knocks on their door and asks for one?

@WeMonetize No, don’t think I ever said that. But you also don’t want to discourage good candidates.

@gsmwc02 If they’re good candidates they won’t have an issue being evaluated

@WeMonetize Again you have children and are clueless on the mentality of an infertile considering adoption.

@gsmwc02 to be perfectly frank; I’m less concerned with adults fellings than I am with children’s welfare.

@WeMonetize Less? I don’t think you do at all. You live in that bubble where no one else’s POV matters.

@gsmwc02 read it again. I am LESS concerned about adults feelings than a child’s welfare.

@WeMonetize Don’t have to read it again. You’ve made it clear you don’t care about pain or grief of infertility. We just need to suck it up.

@gsmwc02 what do you think the adoption industry needs to do to accommodate infertility grief?

@WeMonetize Recognize and support that grief. Don’t outcast the childless and look down on them as you. It’s an extreme hurt.

@gsmwc02 I’m not understanding how the infertile are outcast in the adoption industry; I actually would say quite the opposite

@WeMonetize It’s a society issue. Adoption community can help demand of adoption by not contributing to outcasting infertiles as u are.

@gsmwc02 I am not outcasting infertile people; I don’t know where you get that from. I just don’t put their needs ahead of kids needs

@WeMonetize @gsmwc02 in what tangible way do you want support? This is what I’m not understanding.

@WeMonetize Recognition of loss and not try to tell them they should just adopt a child in need.

Reply to @gsmwc02 Is that directed at me? Because I’d never tell someone dealing w/infertility 2 just adopt a child in need.

I’m sure there’s now far more to the thread than I’ve got here since it’s taken me quite a while to construct this post. If it looks like it gets interestinger or funner then I might drop in here to drop more of it in here, but really, I just dropped this in here to show the world – yet again – just how damn fuckin’ unhinged Greg Sdeo ‏@gsmwc02 actually is, and ask you to join me in prayers to whichever deity you think may listen that this particular psycho nutter NEVER gets to take on someone else’s kid. Well, at least not until he’s had a LOT of counselling to get past his current insanity, at any rate.

Effecting Langauge

In a post over on I (again) raised the point of how important the language is that we use around adoption. In the post, it was to happily demonstrate how some organisations are listening to what’s being said by adult adoptees.

In this post, it’s trying to work out why we’re saying things seemingly so at odds with the other, while simultaneously all expressing similar reactions to the side-thread momwifelawyer @ threw in the meleé.

Much as the Establishment don’t like it, we’ve GOT TO do something major about changing the language around adoption is used if we’re ever going to stand a chance of taking some of the socialisation pressures off adoptees.

It’s why I’m so glad Nicky Campbell favourited my tweet pointing him at the thread linked on Adopted in the UK. It means we’re slowly starting to make a difference. And if we can get Nicky C. on side, I see no reason why we can’t start getting Sir Martin Narey to understand a bit more too.

Support or Celebration?

This thread (which I have no idea how it will go because it’s only just started) highlights a key problem surrounding adoption – celebrating the loss an adoptee experiences.

The link provided in the first post relates to an article where it has been demonstrated that children who lose a parent to death can suffer adversely from this for their whole life. While this is a fact that I would expect most people within society to agree is likely, I raised the point in my reply that the converse is expected for adoptees. Instead of our loss being recognised, we are expected to both celebrate our adoption, and to be grateful for our adoption.

I further commented that adopters are encouraged to celebrate ‘Gotcha Day‘, and provided a link to a Squidoo article entitled Celebrate Your Child’s Adoption Day! that show cards, t.shirts and mugs saying “Happy Adoption Day”.

Another of the hits on Google is a page from Adoptive Families Magazine that asks the contributors to “Share Your Story: Gotcha Day Celebrations” in which stories of big party celebrations are shared, as well as quieter celebrations.

Thus, my question is, why is there this double standard?

Why is it that if a child loses one parent, it is wholly expected that the child will face some psychological consequence and need support – yet for adoptees we are expected to celebrate the loss of not just one parent, but both of our parents *and* the entire rest of our families, in addition to the expectation that we will also express our unending gratitude for this loss?

Why does this double standard exist, and what can we do to help eliminate it, and instead replace it with support for adoptees’ loss?

EDIT 1: @iAdoptee also posted about this recently, in I lost my parents too.

EDIT 2: The Daily Bastardette posted about Gotcha Day stuff yesterday too, @ Below and Beyond Offensive: Gotcha Day book review.

Collaboration required

In this, the second of today’s awesome Twitter threads, I’m not convinced I’m going to be posting every comment into here because the thread did get quite long. It does, however, yield some useful discussion, and perhaps even begins to give some understanding between the varying types of kids who – however it happened – we raised away from their bfam for the path each of us trekked.

The thread does carry on for quite some way after this last Tweet I’ve posted. Due to the awkwardness of reposting Twitter threads though, I’m either going to have double some posts up, or miss some posts out. I don’t want to do either of those though, and so instead I’m going to cut it off in the post here, and leave you to go and investigate all the weird and wonderful directions the thread wendled on your own.

As with all Twitter threads, it can be useful to open some of the individual posts because sometimes conversations flow off side-wards.

Adoptees & RAD

Been a really busy day on-line for me today, including two awesome threads on Twitter. This is (some) of the first. As is usual with Twitter, it sometimes helps to click on the individual posts ’cause there’s many bits that diverge.


Interesting thread starting from…

On the art of getting the right words out

@Coram linked to a blog in which an adopter described her difficulties with carrying a pregnancy, which (of course) riled me up enough to make a comment.

As you can see (if you go to the thread), the intention behind my comment was somewhat misinterpreted and a few days hullabaloo went on while I tried to explain what I meant, while @Threebecomefour became defensive because there was a misguided belief that I was attacking her

Happily, unlike many who don’t agree with what I say, @Threebecomefour didn’t block me, and so today I saw there was another blogpost up. Turns out that I’ve actually inspired a blogpost. Even better, I was nodding through most of it and thinking yay, she’s finally got it … only it turns out she hadn’t, and so the Twitting tarted again.

Happily, the conversation went far better today, in that I managed to help @Threebecomefour realise that just because I point out the 11th in line issue, isn’t me saying that it’s awful and that the adoptee will necessarily feel slighted by being so far down the choice list, but just an acknowledgement that for very very few people on the planet, adoption isn’t at the high end of their choice list when it comes to family creation. In fact, I think @EmmaLangman is the first I’ve come across who decided on adoption over procreation.

Deciding to adopt

Obviously, the thread descends somewhat from there. :}

THIS IS THE LINK to read from the Coram post, onwards.

EDIT: Additional discussion has taken place and the threads are now available @ this post.


I’ve only recently discovered Twitter, and only really took to it once I found out I could annoy Sir @martinnarey directly (what with him being The Big I Am in UK adoption at the moment). :}

One of the reasons I’m less keen on it is lack of threading. I can be difficult to keep track of conversations had/ongoing. Thus, I’m inventing a new category for in here, Twits; for those conversations which demonstrate an awful lot that many of us sometimes try to describe, and we all know happens between adoptees, but that rarely seems to see the light of day for letting other people learn the intricacies of our complex thoughts on and reactions to adoption.

The first one I’m sharing then, begins with Muzik of @iamadopted asking “Are u an adoptee that is proud/happy to be adopted? #adoption

The first reply is from @aschmidty33, who mentions her love for her a’rents, and then I chime in being similarly thankful for my a’rents. :}

Further down the thread there’s another (several other, but one I want to highlight) good question asked, this time from @drkimholt, who asked “what do you think made the difference?

I think one of the most important things we need to do as a society is work out why those of us put the answers we do.